Sleep(less)

It’s been a long day of whatever you fill your day with and it is now for that magical time to lay your head down on a pillow and drift away into dreamland.

UNLESS YOU ARE ME!

Okay, so I may not be the only one that has issues sleeping, but these are my ramblings and therefore I get to use “me”.

For the vast majority of my life, I have had issues with falling asleep. Becoming a parent has not helped that issue one bit. On top of being a parent, I am the “proud” owner of an extremely neurotic brain and plenty of anxiety to go around. Needless to say, sleep is a bit harder to come by for me. Most of the time it’s not too bad, but when it’s bad, it’s horrible.

Take the other night, for instance. We put the kids to sleep a couple hours before we go to sleep and last night was no different. What was different though, was a change in Kaylee’s insulin. Since she was diagnosed a little over a year, we have never had to make a change to the amount of the insulin she takes in her last shot of the day. When you change nighttime doses you have to test blood in the middle of the night, just to make sure the person’s blood glucose level isn’t going too low while they sleep. Now take the brain I told you about and add change. Not good.

Like I said, it’s not always like that. Most of the time it is just a small nuisance.

Thanks to my best friend, I recently became the owner of a Fitbit. This little device is helpful and can be fun with the challenges you can participate in. It also tracks your sleep. When she told me about this feature, I was dreading seeing what my sleep patterns looked like. I had a pretty good idea of what they were going to look like. I look at it every morning and, sure as shit, it looks about what I imagine. Let me put it this way. Since August 4th, I have only gotten 8 hours of sleep one time! Like I said, sleep is hard to come by for the adults in this house.

Getting a good night’s sleep for Robert and I is like nailing Jell-o to a damn tree. People ask, “how are you feeling today?” and my answer is inevitably “tired, but good.” I think I may have to stop saying tired and just accept the fact that is just a part of my being now.

-Brown hair

-Brown eyes

-Tired

-5’4 (and some change)

-An amount of pounds that is none of your damn business

This is going to be me for at least the next 15 years, but I know that it will be much longer than that.

Of course there are products that I could buy to help me get better sleep, but they really aren’t for me. For one, they cost money that I don’t want to spend. Second, I have felt groggy in the morning any time that I have tried a sleep aid. Lastly, I really don’t want to become dependant on something that changes stuff in my body. My reasons for this are way too long for here and I would usually have to pay someone a lot of money per hour to listen to it all.

One final thing about sleep. They should have nap time at people’s jobs. I know I don’t have an actual job that I have to go to and I rarely nap, but this would be awesome for everyone!

Until next time, stay peculiar.

Back to School

It is that time of the year again. Back to school. The time to deal with crowded stores and rude people all for the sake of buying stuff that is going to be worn out, grown out of or used up before the first semester ends. It’s like shopping for the holidays.

Now, I know and am friends with a lot of teachers and I know that teachers have zero control over my issues, but what is up with these supply lists?! I understand that teachers DO NOT get paid enough for the job they do and their budgets are constantly cut because why the hell would teachers need the proper supplies needed to do their job, right? With all of this being said, some one needs to fix something because for ONE of my kids, I had to buy FOUR boxes crayons. This may be to help out students whose parent(s) cannot afford all of the supplies and I sound like a complete asshole. I know things are expensive. We buy supplies for three kids and next year will be four. Excuse me while I cry, vomit, and have a panic attack at that thought. One more thing about school supplies. What is the point of 12x18 manila and construction paper and why the fuck is it so hard to find?! Moving on…

So as I said, it is time to send our little (and not so little) ones and to school and it’s time for all of the parents to POP BOTTLES… of whatever pain reliever you choose and acid reducers. If you are anything like me, you want your kids to learn, be involved, and be successful in their school career. However, I suffer from anxiety and I don’t like to be around a lot of people. So, it is always a “fun time” during the school year. Also, I hate helping the kids with their homework. Not because I do not want to help my kids, because of course I want to help, but because some of their homework makes me feel extremely stupid! Especially Chris’ homework. He is going into the seventh grade and his sixth grade math homework made me want to cry. It was stuff I wasn’t doing until eighth grade or so. Needless to say, Google and I have become very good friends and there is a reason I don’t homeschool. And it is only going to get worse. I haven’t been in school full time since 2004 (man that’s a kick in the chest) and it seems like everything has changed when it comes to curriculum. It’s a conspiracy to make the older generations feel incompetent .

Actually, aside from my anxiety, I am excited for the new school year. Like I said before, I want the kids to learn as much as they can and have fun while learning. On top of all of the new stuff to learn, Chris will be joining band this year and I am super stoked about that. As a former band nerd, I want all of the kids to be in band, but I will settle for at least one. Also, I have become one of -those- mom’s… the mom that is friends with a lot of the teachers and the nurse. So, while the kids are excited to see their friends that they haven’t seen all summer, I am also excited to go back to the school to see all of my friends that I haven’t seen all summer! Don’t worry, my non-school employed friends have already called me a nerd for it. I don’t care though, I will continue to make teacher friends at every school the kids go to so they know that I will have eyes everywhere. Yeah, I’m that kind of mom too.

So, best of luck to everyone in this new school year. May we all make it out alive, and to the people with no kids, sorry about the school zones. We all hate them.

Jokes aside, if you can read this thank a teacher, and as always, stay peculiar.

Attitude

I understand, for the most part, how genetics work. People have 46 chromosomes, 23 from the mother and 23 from the father. You get traits from both biological parents. Scientists are always finding new things while mapping the human genome. With this being said, I need someone smarter than me to tell me which chromosome is to blame for shitty attitudes.

*glares at the human genome*

I know that, as a parent, it is half my fault, but DAMMIT ALL!!! Granted, I cannot take “credit” for all four of my kids, but I do know all of the responsible parties.

*glares at all responsible parties - self included*

The funny thing is that even though I play zero part of the genetics of my bonus kids, they all act like me just a little bit. So, I should absorb most of that glaring.

With two pre-teens and three year old, we get PLENTY of attempted usage of attitude. Our five year old tries the least, but I know that will eventually change. I want to go on record by saying that puberty can kiss my ass. I didn’t like it when I went through it and I damn sure don’t like it now that I have kids that are going/will go through it! Now, the vast majority of the time, I would say 95%, we have some of the most well behaved kids around. As for that 5%... oh that 5%, you want to buy stock in duct tape and Benadryl. Not that we would actually use it… right guys? Of course when it happens, we have to discipline as necessary, but sometimes all you can think is, “Son of a bitch. That is just like [insert parent’s name]!” It really makes you realize that we are all assholes.

Isn’t it the most caustic situation ever? “Hey! Don’t you dare act exactly the way I act in this situation!” Of course, being the super, well adjusted adults that we are, we have come up with things to make it okay for us to act the way we act. It is passed down from generation to generation. It’s a rite of passage! And we all have heard them and/or said them! Oh come on, you know the classics. Say them with me now…

“Do as I say, not as I do”

“Because I said so”

“Because I’m an adult”

Robert and I have added to this list to make it a little less patronizing. Our line is, “Because I pay taxes.” That way it kind of takes away from condescending aspect.

Feel free to add it to your arsenal.

*Sidenote*

Remember when we all wanted to be adults? Someone should have warned us. This shit is not what we expected and you know I’m right. Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Honestly, I think it’s hilarious that we make little versions of ourselves and then get angry that they act like us at times and boy do I get angry sometimes. Being a parent can be the biggest form of self loathing at times! But, that’s how it’s supposed to go, right? Our parents got upset with us, we get upset at our kids and you can bet your sweet ass that if our kids have their own “bundles of joy”, they will undoubtedly go through what we go through now.

So, remember that every time you yell at your kids for trying to sass (yes, I said sass) you the exact way you sass, you are just yelling at yourself. Just don’t actually yell at yourself, someone might try to have you committed.

Until next time, stay peculiar.

**WARNING**

I CUSS AND I TRY TO BE FUNNY! BOTH MAY OFFEND YOU.

A little about me:

I am a proud wife and mother of four and no I am not counting my husband Robert as one of the four, even though he openly admits that he can act like a child. My older three are my bonus kids (Thank you Chris Hardwick). My oldest daughter is a Type 1 diabetic and all four of them are certified little shits sometimes, but aren’t all kids? Of course, my husband and I have diagnosed them ourselves and we are not doctors… so this may or may not be an actual medical condition. I am not a “typical” mom. I have piercing and tattoos and I cuss. A lot. We are all a little… off, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Being a parent and being an adult in general, is one of the hardest thing someone can do. If you are anything like me, you are in constant fear of screwing everything up. I know I’m not alone in this boat. Actually, this boat is pretty damn full. So, why suffer alone? Why not try to find the humor in this tornado of a situation we call life?

*cue my nonexistent theme song* This is where I come in.

Hopefully, I can make you, my faithful readers, laugh with some of my crazy rants/thoughts and realize that we are all fucking it up. With that being said, let’s begin with something I do everyday, being a parent.

Parenthood.

It’s rewarding and terrifying; equal parts joy and something that may or may not have crawled out of Satan’s anus. People who have kids will totally understand. People without kids, imagine loving someone so much and occasionally wanting to throat punch them after the 961st time they’ve said “mom” after you’ve answered “what” the same amount of times only for them to scream and run off and you whisper to yourself “are you shitting me?” or having to go into their room 15 times after putting them down for bed and not have anything get accomplished... sorry, too real?

Continuing on now...

Like I said in my nifty introduction, my husband and I have four “angels”. Chris is 12, Kaylee is 10, Noey is 5 and Logan is 3. This year is a big year for all of the kids in some way. Chris is going to middle school (their elementary school goes up to 6th grade) and we are going to have more girl problems than we ever have before, and we are going to have to buy more mirrors for him to look into. Kaylee is going to the 5th grade and is going to be the oldest of our kids at their elementary school. I expect her to continue to be Miss Talkative Bossy Pants and to continue to take her diabetes head on.  Noey will be going to Kindergarten and she is so excited. This will be her first year to go to school all day and I’m not ready for it; she went for half days last year. Logan is potty training and making me very happy that we don’t have carpet in most of our house. Most days are good, but the few days that are not great make me want to say “fuck this, he can wear diapers until he can change them himself!”, but alas I do not. And lastly, Dad and I are finding new gray hairs everyday. So, a big year all around. Don’t get too jealous of our super glamourous life.

I am sure, just like every other year, we will have ups and downs (I hope for more ups). Hopefully, as our lives become increasingly more hectic, I will have plenty of stories and life advice to share with all of you.

So, until next time, stay peculiar.