Attitude

I understand, for the most part, how genetics work. People have 46 chromosomes, 23 from the mother and 23 from the father. You get traits from both biological parents. Scientists are always finding new things while mapping the human genome. With this being said, I need someone smarter than me to tell me which chromosome is to blame for shitty attitudes.

*glares at the human genome*

I know that, as a parent, it is half my fault, but DAMMIT ALL!!! Granted, I cannot take “credit” for all four of my kids, but I do know all of the responsible parties.

*glares at all responsible parties - self included*

The funny thing is that even though I play zero part of the genetics of my bonus kids, they all act like me just a little bit. So, I should absorb most of that glaring.

With two pre-teens and three year old, we get PLENTY of attempted usage of attitude. Our five year old tries the least, but I know that will eventually change. I want to go on record by saying that puberty can kiss my ass. I didn’t like it when I went through it and I damn sure don’t like it now that I have kids that are going/will go through it! Now, the vast majority of the time, I would say 95%, we have some of the most well behaved kids around. As for that 5%... oh that 5%, you want to buy stock in duct tape and Benadryl. Not that we would actually use it… right guys? Of course when it happens, we have to discipline as necessary, but sometimes all you can think is, “Son of a bitch. That is just like [insert parent’s name]!” It really makes you realize that we are all assholes.

Isn’t it the most caustic situation ever? “Hey! Don’t you dare act exactly the way I act in this situation!” Of course, being the super, well adjusted adults that we are, we have come up with things to make it okay for us to act the way we act. It is passed down from generation to generation. It’s a rite of passage! And we all have heard them and/or said them! Oh come on, you know the classics. Say them with me now…

“Do as I say, not as I do”

“Because I said so”

“Because I’m an adult”

Robert and I have added to this list to make it a little less patronizing. Our line is, “Because I pay taxes.” That way it kind of takes away from condescending aspect.

Feel free to add it to your arsenal.

*Sidenote*

Remember when we all wanted to be adults? Someone should have warned us. This shit is not what we expected and you know I’m right. Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Honestly, I think it’s hilarious that we make little versions of ourselves and then get angry that they act like us at times and boy do I get angry sometimes. Being a parent can be the biggest form of self loathing at times! But, that’s how it’s supposed to go, right? Our parents got upset with us, we get upset at our kids and you can bet your sweet ass that if our kids have their own “bundles of joy”, they will undoubtedly go through what we go through now.

So, remember that every time you yell at your kids for trying to sass (yes, I said sass) you the exact way you sass, you are just yelling at yourself. Just don’t actually yell at yourself, someone might try to have you committed.

Until next time, stay peculiar.