I'm not listening

As adults and as parents, there are things that we do that are flat out lies. There’s no way around it. Telling your boss that their new haircut looks great *cringe*. Telling your child that Santa/ the Tooth Fairy/ the Easter Bunny are real *gasp*. Telling someone you care about that their meal tastes great when it tastes like burned gross *gag*. Unfortunately, I think it might be a necessary evil in this life.

This also goes for giving our kids advice that we, ourselves, do not follow. We tell them all kinds of things that we should probably do in our day to day lives. We tell them not to stress about what they cannot control, yet we live in a constant state of panic, or at least I do. Wait, you guys panic a lot too, right? I’m not the only one, right? Dammit, now I’m starting to feel self conscious… moving on…

We tell them to be nice to people and that if they have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all. Then, they get in the car with us and listen to the heinous shit I say about some people. I try, but some people insist on planting their heads firmly up their asses before getting behind the wheel. They are basically asking for me to talk bad about them. You know the kind of people I’m talking about.

Most importantly, we tell them to not change themselves. To not change so the people will like you. To not change just because you think you are going to piss someone off. We are constantly telling our kids that if they are true to themselves, that the right people will like them for who they truly are. Yet, we act differently around certain people. I’m not saying that -everyone- does this, I’m just saying that the vast majority of adults do. I was recently afraid to send a friend request on social media because I was scared of what new people would think since I’m an atheist, I cuss (a lot), and I think a lot of offensive things are funny. Again, I am not part of the “norms” of society. Never have been. I have tried… doesn’t work for me. I guess I didn’t want another person to judge who I am. But, they can either respect who I am as a person or they could always delete me if they don’t like me, right? Right.

**SIDENOTE** Of course I put my big girl panties on and hit send.

Do we do this because we are adults and think we shouldn’t have to follow the advice that we seem to give everyone else? I’m not saying that this is some sort of epiphany and that this is a turning point in which I start taking my own advice. That’s not going to happen. At the end of the day, it is true though. We do just need to be ourselves, no matter what.

Until next time, for the love of everything tasty, stay peculiar please.

Cussers Anonymous

Hello, my name is Neisha and I cuss.

Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen. For the most part, I have an extensive vocabulary, but I also cuss extensively and I make no apologies. I know that some people might already look down on me as a person and a parent because I have tattoos and piercings, and frankly I couldn’t give less of a shit, but when it comes to cussing in front of my kids is where some people really get their panties in a bunch.

As I have said before, we have 4 kids ages 3-12, and we have always cussed in front of them. I wouldn’t change that if given a second chance and for several reasons.

1. I’m a grown ass woman and I may use my words in any way I see fit, in front of whoever the hell I want. I am 30 years old. I pay bills, clean house, and cook dinner. I make sure people stay alive! So, if I have the vocabulary of a well educated sailor, then so fucking be it.

2. I would rather my kids hear it from us first and not from their stupid friends. Now, I’m not necessarily talking about these kid’s intellect. I am only saying that they are the same age as my kids and know about the same amount of stuff as them and have experienced the same amount of life as them. Therefore, they do not know how to properly cuss and I WILL NOT have kids that don’t know how to properly cuss.

3. My kids are smart enough not to cuss. Well, at least not in front of us. Even our 3 year old gets the fact that there are words that grown-ups use that kids aren’t suppose to. Of course all kids have a time when they are little when they repeat a cuss word and it’s adorable. If you don’t think so, then there is something wrong with you! Of course now when Logan hears me say “dammit” or “oh shit” he knows not to repeat it and just asks, “what mommy?” It’s all about teaching your kids that they don’t pay taxes and therefore can’t say all of the words that taxpayers can.

And finally...

4. Sometimes, you just need to cuss. Saying “OH SHUCKS” when you stub your toe on the corner of a piece of furniture doesn’t cut it! It just doesn’t. Even if it is towards your kids, cussing is important. Now, of course everything you say to your kids doesn’t need to be riddled with cuss words, but throwing one their way every so often is totally okay. Sometimes, it shows them that you are serious as a heart attack. Expressing your frustration towards your kids, that have done something they know for damn sure they aren’t supposed to be doing, with big words they don’t understand, doesn’t make that much of an impact. Now, throwing out a “what the hell were you thinking” or a “dammit (insert kid’s name)” has a much bigger impact. You have now used a word that they know you use when you mean business.

Now, we are not saying a bunch of things that are ”adult content” (wink wink) in front of the kids, I’m just saying that the run of the mill cuss words aren’t that big of a deal. Of course, I am not an expert of any kind and my way of parenting and living life in general is NOT the norm and is probably frowned upon by the masses. I don’t care though. All I can do in this life is be true to myself and what I believe in and try not to screw things up too bad. That’s all any of us can do, really.

Until next time, let loose and cuss a little and as always, stay peculiar.

Potty Training Wheels

If you are reading this, you probably know how to go to the bathroom all by yourself. Whoever raised you, took the time to teach you how to wipe your own ass. Whoever that person is, thank them. Logan is teaching me that potty training is a very thankless task.

This is now my second child to help potty train and I do not remember the first time around being this difficult. Noey started much earlier and was a lot easier to potty train. Logan on the other hand is… let’s just say, difficult. Some days I really do think that I will have to clean him up forever. Or at least until he finds someone else to do it for him.

The majority of the time, he does rather well and we have good potty days. Those days that are not good potty days, though, are the kind of days that drinking like you were at a frat party wouldn’t even come close to cutting it. The days where you’ve had to do 3 loads of only 2 or 3 pieces of clothing because he is refusing to poop in the toilet, so you end up with multiple pairs of underwear with a little bit of poop in them. That is, until the inevitable time where he lets it all go at once and you have to clean up poop that is the size of a grown man’s fist.

**SIDENOTE** If you don’t have kids and this grosses you out, don’t have kids because THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU and you are not ready.

Just like in everything else with raising kids (and life in general), everyone is different. This is especially true when it comes to potty training. Some kids enjoy getting stickers on a chart or a treat for motivation. I have had to resort to flat out bribery. Do not judge me, you don’t know my life. Cookies at the end of the end of the day was the first bribe. That was good for a few weeks. Granted Logan loves him some cookies, but that wouldn’t fly now. Since he pees in the potty pretty well now, we have to work on getting him to poop there too. Apparently, poop costs more. Toy cars to be exact and I am proud to report that he did manage to get one toy car this week. I never knew I would be so happy for poop in a toilet. Oh the joys of parenthood.

I am constantly saying that I don’t want Logan to get bigger, all of the kids for that matter, but I want him to at least be potty trained before I find a way to make them all stop growing and stay the same age forever. I honestly don’t want to clean up bodily functions for much longer! If I had to do it forever, I would have to buy stock in Yellow Tail wine and all of my hair would be grey with in a year.

Like I said before, if you don’t have kids this is what you have to look forward to. If you do have kids and you have dealt with or are dealing with this now, stay strong my fellow warriors.

Until next time, avoid bathroom accidents and stay peculiar.

Anti-Social Mom

In my small circle of people I enjoy being around, I am a very talkative person. I think I am funny(ish) and very easy to get along with. I occasionally visit the girl’s school and talk to the teachers I know and I always chat with nice cashiers at the grocery store. When it comes to the vast majority of other people… I have some issues.

I have no delusions that I, or anyone for that matter, deserve special dispensation. My time is not more important than anyone else’s and I am not special. I know this sounds like I’m getting down on myself, but it is 100% true. Honestly, I think a lot more people need to start thinking a little more like this. I think it would help people remove their heads out of their asses and not be a bunch of rude pricks. You know the people I’m talking about. The people that won’t let people in while sitting in traffic. The people who don’t say thank you when you hold a door open for them. And the absolute worse, the people who wait until the last minute to cut over three lanes of traffic to exit the highway. All of the people that make you want to punch puppies in the face.

I would like to think that the parents of the students at the school the girl’s go to would understand that if we work together that things would go a lot smoother, but alas,  some of them are assholes too. I don’t have to deal with other parents a whole lot, but twice this week I saw just how inconsiderate some of them can be and they were both on the same day!

Let’s start with “awesome” person number one.

I was picking the girls up from school on Tuesday and it is always mayhem. I personally get to the school an hour early so I can get a good spot in line. Now, the girls have gotten out out of school and are in the car. We are heading home and we have to drive through the neighborhood the school is in. Then we encounter her. The woman who is blocking traffic because she is waiting for her kid to walk to her so SHE doesn’t have to sit in the school traffic and is, in turn, creating more traffic that is preventing the school bus in front of me to turn! The bus driver gets out and talks to her and of course she says that she’s not moving because of course she is more important than everyone else. Finally, I get tired of her being a twat. So, with every ounce of calm that I could muster up, I rolled down my window and explained to her that she is solely responsible for the clusterfuck we are sitting in. Of course, I did not cuss or raise my voice at her. Mainly because three out of four of my kids were in the car. She finally removed her head from her anus and moved up, I started telling the cars that were behind her to go around her and we finally made it home.

Time for “awesome” person number two.

Later that evening we had an open house at the girl’s school. The way that they had it set up was in a rotation style. You pick a block of time that you could show up to and you show up. Since we had two classes to go to, we picked the first two blocks of time. The school had asked that if you showed up late, to please be considerate and please wait until the next block of time. Of course, some people cannot follow directions. We are about half way through Noey’s block of time and this mom waltzes in and the teacher asks her to please wait until the next block of time. The mom then says that her daughters have cheerleading practice at 6 and they can’t wait, so the teacher reluctantly let’s them in and tells them that she will fill them in on what they missed after she is done. I think this was more than reasonable. The mom and her daughters come in and stand in the corner by the door and whisper amongst themselves. They stay for about 5 minutes and then just walk out of the class. Robert and I just look at each other with the look of “this bitch here” . The school sent papers home on how this was going to work. Either she didn’t care enough to read the paper or she didn’t care about what the paper said. Both are shitty.

At the end of the day we are all on the same planet, having to deal with our own lives. Just remember that things would go a lot smoother if we realized that we are not special and our time is not more important than anyone else’s.

Just don’t be a dick and stay peculiar.