Before I became a mom, I believed that you become a completely
different person after becoming a mom. I though that as soon as you had the
title of “mom”, you were gifted with a new haircut and a minivan. I thought that
you are a REAL adult and had no time for anything you liked before having kids.
I sit here, haircut and minivan-less, as proof that I was severely wrong.
I became a mom before I ever gave birth to a child. I have 3
amazing bonus babies and they are my world. They are part of the reason I am the
person I am today and I love them so much for helping save me. Since I did not
give birth to all 4 of my children, I had to jump into mom mode from day one.
There was no gestation period to try to prepare for the journey that was ahead
of me. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who has been by my side every step
of the way on this roller coaster. I struggled (let’s face it I still struggle)
with who I had to be and how I had to act. They say there is no manual to raising
a kid and this is 100% true. What they don’t tell you is that there’s no damn
manual to being a parent either! THEY WANT US TO MAKE BABIES AND JUST WING THIS
SHIT! I don’t know how all of us are still alive.
Like I said, I still struggle with who I am as a person.
Yes, I cook, clean, chauffeur, and all of that other stuff, but for a long time
I let it define who I was as a person. I still saddle myself with trying to be
the “perfect mom”. After almost 8 years, I am still learning that a perfect mom
doesn’t fucking exist. Anyone who says that they have 100% of all of their shit
together is a damn liar. The biggest thing I have had to try to learn is to not
compare myself to others. Especially anyone that is on social media because no
one posts all the bullshit that happens on a daily basis. Being a parent is probably
the hardest thing any of us will ever have to do, we can’t add more to our plates
by having unrealistic expectations of perfection for ourselves. With that being
said, just know that I am great at giving advice and not so great at listening
to the shit I say.
Another part I struggle with is the fact that just because I
am a mom, doesn’t mean that I’m not a grown ass woman who was a person before
children. I put so much of myself into being a mom that, a few times, I forget
to check in with myself. It took me a long time to find things I am interested
in. I had no hobbies before. Let me correct this, I had no healthy hobbies
before this. I had drinking and unnecessary online shopping habits. Now I
workout, listen to podcasts, this blog and I have been working on the same
puzzle for closer to a year than I would like to admit. I really need to finish
that this year. Maybe. At the end of the day, you have to make sure that you are
being the best human in order to be the best parent you can be. You are not
less of a parent for having an occasional drink and jamming out to Shoop by Salt
n Pepa. Please dance like everyone is watching and you just don’t give a damn.
I would love to say that one day it all clicks and
everything falls in place when it comes to parenting and being a parent. I
really would, but I’m not here to blow smoke up anyone’s ass. I am here to tell
you the truth from my perspective with bits of levity. Of course, I am not a
trained professional and I have not studied parenting or child development. I
do know that there are plenty of books on how you can try to parent, but that’s
too many books to read and it is all just someone else’s opinion anyway. I know
that I’m probably not the shining example of what a parent should be. My kids watch
lots of TV, they have used paper towels as plates more than once (ALL THE TIME),
and during the summer they may or may not have showered everyday. All I know is
that trying to be a whole person and always trying to better myself is the best
way I know how to set a good example for our kids. Even if that means taking
time for me when I really don’t want to and constantly checking in with myself.
Until next time, be the best you and stay peculiar.
